This is in response to the Nov. 28 opinion piece by those two darned professors about confronting climate change. To be frank, what it all boils down to is that we privileged white males – whom God has chosen to rule the planet – are being asked by 16-year-old Greta Thunberg to admit we might have made mistakes!
The gall of this surly 16-year-old Swede! It is very upsetting indeed to think that our vaunted superiority is no longer glaringly obvious.
But what truly gratifies us beyond measure is that we have so brilliantly bamboozled the general public into feeling abjectly helpless about it all – to the point where their first reaction to talk of climate disaster is to turn their backs on such nonsense and dive desperately back into the delightful lives such insensitive discussion so rudely disrupted.
Need we privileged white males remind you, there is absolutely nothing anyone can do about climate change, particularly you, overwhelmingly preoccupied as you must of necessity be, with your all-consuming, busy, beautiful, life.
We say to you, who to your credit do not wish to think about climate change, leave the matter in our own expert lilywhite hands! We are sure to impress the females of the species with blazing displays of unexpected expertise in the matter – just at the last moment – when all hope seems lost. Dazzling digital knights we will then be as we sweep in with impossibly innovative solutions and with a touch on the screen – ping! All the excess carbon will go away.
Above all, we cannot let 16-year-old girls tell us, God’s anointed planetary rulers, that we have failed; How outrageous and how damaging to our self-esteem (more important than you might think). And don’t try to fathom us, our elite ways of philosophizing about climate change are impossibly far beyond you – mainly because we exist on an infinitely higher plane – which is why we have been chosen to be the 1 percent!
– Zeke Bickerstaff